Insomnia.

Once again, it's late [or early], and I still haven't slept at all. Insomnia is kicking my ass lately. I've been sleeping more during the day than at night. It's probably just cause I'm not in school anymore, so I don't really have to sleep much, and I can stay up late without consequences.
Either way, I have nothing better to do, than write nonsense on this here blog.


I've been locked inside a couple of days. It's been snowing a ridiculous amount lately, and there is so much snow that it's been hard to get anywhere. I've been meaning to go out and take pictures, but considering that I've been sleeping during the day, by the time I get ready to go outside, I've lost the light.
I also hate the snow, so it's not like I'm rushing to go outside.
This was just taken from my bedroom window with the porch light. The sky looks pretty cool tonight.





Also since I've been stuck inside, I've had a chance to work on my music. Jarod suggested that I just lock myself in my room with my instruments, and just play and see what happens. Well, I took his advice. Only, I have a computer in my room too, and I get distracted easily. I ended up pulling some piano tabs and learning some new songs rather than writing them. I also have those new vinyls he gave me, and I can't stop listening to them.


I've been trying to write my own music but I'm having the hardest time getting past this writer's block. Someone told me when you get blocked, write about what's blocking you. I was going to try that, but then I realized I have no idea what's blocking me. Write about that? Mmkay, but I have no idea what kind of song that's going to end up being. But who knows, I've been strongly inspired by The Fragile lately, so maybe I'll go from there.

I didn't go to sleep the night before last, and ended up doing a lot. I pretty much got rid of my past. None of it was good, and the clutter was just weighing me down. I rearranged my room moving furniture, and changing up the stuff on my walls. I also painted the entire back of my door. It was messy and sloppy, and covered in doodles and things people had written over the years. So I painted it black, and spray painted a NIN quote on it.

My life as been consumed with NIN lately, so it felt necessary. Especially after the night before. I was at Tessa's, and we invited Katie over. We smoked a lot, then had a total NIN binge to make us feel better about the tour being over, and having no NIN shows to look forward to. So we watched 'Closure', then 'And All That Could Have Been', 'Beside You In Time', then listened to the entire NIN concert from Portland that someone had recorded [LINK] and relived the show. After that, I felt like my NINginity had been restored, and everything NIN was new again. Haha, it felt pretty fantastic.


Hopefully our New Years LA trip won't have to be canceled due to the weather. It's a road trip, so we're kind of going to have to drive though whatever. I've really been looking forward to this, so it would be devastating to not be able to end up going.



At least we won't end having to drive to Olympia this year. This will be mine, my brother's and my mother's second Christmas not at my grandparents'. Feels nice not having to do anything. Due to the money, there are not many presents under the tree. That's fine, they always spend a bunch of money on stuff I never want or need anyway. So this will just be saving us all that. Hopefully I'll just be getting money, so that wasy I can have plenty for LA.


I'm not sleeping tonight.
Well, that is unless my father comes in again and orders me to get my ass in bed. He must assume I'm a child, because he continues to treat me like one. I asked his why it is such a big deal to him whether or not I'm sleeping. He said that doesn't matter, just because he said so. His EXACT words were "I'm your father, so I can make you do whatever I want you to do. No questions asked. It's my right."


I need to get out of this house.
It's crazy in here.

I'm beginning to prefer my mother over my father, lately.
She doesn't care what time I go to bed, what words come out of my mouth, or what my religious or sexual preferences are. She really doesn't give a shit who I choose to be, or what I choose to do with my life. As long as I'm safe and happy. I'm finally beginning to appreciate my mom.
My father is a different story all together.