Back at the beginning, sinking, spinning.

I've been so overcome with all these amazing feelings lately, and all I ever end up doing in return is doubting I'll ever get to keep them.

Downloading, downloading, downloading.

So I have no idea when it got to be so fucking late. I didn't even realize what time it was. But here I am again, 4:39 in the fucking morning.

I don't have much to say. I'm just doing what I usually do when it get's late and I have nothing better to do.

School started back up on Monday. Lame. I'm taking Writing 122, Math 60, and Western Civ. Basically all the lamest, most boring classes I could have possibly taken. I'm taking Western Civ with Tessa but that's it. So our schedules are different for the first time in a long ass time. Hah.
I hate my classes. I hate my teachers. I hate having to be in school. But hey, whatever. It will be worth it in the end. Plus, it definitely beats high school. That's for sure. No way I could go from PCC back to Sunset.




I'm basically in a tunnel right now because I'm fucking stupid, and doing anything to avoid the wrath of my father. I've got a blanket over me and the computer to avoid the light in my room showing through the door. My dad gets up at 5:30 and if he finds out I'm still awake, I'm getting my ass kicked. Another reason why I hate living with my parents. I mean, I don't know why it bothers them so much when I stay up. But whatever. I'm working around it. Hahah.

I've been without the music on my computer for the last 2 or 3 days because I've had to disconnect my external hard drive from my computer.

[A little background to explain what all this is about:] Tuesday I'd pulled an all nighter and talked to Katie all night through text messages. Then around 8 she took me to her barn to see her horse. After that we left to go pick up Tessa at school to go to lunch. We called it our NINaversary, because it was exactly one month from the Portland show that we'd all seen together. So while in the car, we all listened to the audio form the show, and talked about how we knew that Trent's announcment was going to be the DVD from the show, because they were fimling at our show, and the ones before and after ours. Soooooo, when Katie dropped us back off at school, we had to book it to class because we spent an extra few minutes in the car listening to the Terrible Lie recording.
Halfway into class, I grabbed my phone, and get a flood of text messages from Katie. My service was bad in that ONE spot, so I didn't get any of them until I moved it. The text messages were Katie yelling at us about the announcment. The 'gift'. We had to leave the class, run outside, and call Kaite. Trent had announced this:

1.7.09: your gift!
The internet is full of surprises these days.
I was contacted by a mysterious, shadowy group of subversives who SOMEHOW managed to film a substantial amount (over 400 GB!) of raw, unedited HD footage from three separate complete shows of our Lights in the Sky tour. Security must have been lacking at these shows because the quality of the footage is excellent.

If any of you could find a LINK to that footage I'll bet some enterprising fans could assemble something pretty cool.

Oh yeah, you didn't hear this from me.

posted by trent reznor at 12:56pm

Ironically that was posted 3 MINUTES after I'd checked the site earlier at lunch. Wow, what the fuck. Haha. After that, all I wanted to do was get home and download it. I couldn't fucking wait.




So back to now: I hadn't been able to download that fucking thing for some unknown reason. I had my brothers extra external hard drive that holds 500 GB of memory, so I had the space. I just couldn't get it to DOWNLOAD. So I tried my dad's computer [because it's a PC instead of a mac, and can get utorrent on it] and it STILL wouldn't work. So I've finally disconnected it, so that I could get my music up, then figured I would just wait. I think there is something wrong with my brother's hard drive, so I'll have to go buy a new one. Maybe that will solve the problem.
Well, I decided to give it one more try. And look, 0.9% now, and 2 seeders. Awesomeeee. Sure it's only the first video for Portland, but I want to see SOMETHING. I mean, one of the camera guys filmed sooooo much of us that night. I'm excited to see it.


Tessa's invited me to the beach this weekend. I'm fucking tired and just want to be lazy and relax after the first week of school school school, but it sounds like we're going to party it up the whole time, so it should be fun. I just have to work up the energy to get my shit together and leave. Hahaha.



I have a feeling this next NIN tour is going to be amazing. Katie, Tessa and I have planned on roadtripping and following the band to at least 5 shows. Basically living in that car the entire time. I can't fucking waittttttt.

:D


6:16 - My dad is up.
I'm out.

My world

[I guess you could say this kind of sums up my year. Haha.]

It's a new year. I can officially say that last year was an amazing year. And it was. Probably the best year of my life to date. I spent the entire year happy, and living the life I chose for myself, following what made me happy and meeting some awesome new people in the process of it all. But this is not a 'goodbye' to 2008, or even a 'hello' to 2009. I am just sitting here with my thoughts and can't sleep, so I figured I'd write.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to get my wisdom teeth removed. I haven't been able to eat without intsense pain all week. Maybe that's a good thing. It should have taught me to stop eating, but you know me. I love to eat.
At least I'm not getting fat because of it.

I didn't do what most people would consider 'special' for new years this year. I had been at Tessa's house all week. Finally over being sick, and with the snow melted - able to get out of the house. So we spent most all of our time all week doing NOTHING. Haha.
Just the usual music and being us. Except we got to throw Katie into the mix a few times, and had little miss Amy Cummins to entertain us. She has recently gotten a hold of my cell phone number and began calling and texting me. Non-stop. Oh, and my e-mail.
I didn't reply at all, until I got to Tessa's house. Listening to her crazy stories, texts, and voicemails were great. Silly Amy, you don't seem to know how to hang up your phone because I now have recordings of you talking to yourself on my voicemail.


Christmas was nothing special. I didn't get shit. I needed stuff for my music, and I got nothing anywhere near related to such things. I got socks.
I did get some more vinyls, but that's because I went in with my mother and specifically asked for them. Then she bought and saved them for Christmas.



Ghosts I-IV was one that I chose, and it's even more incredible than I could have imagined on vinyl. Normally, with Ghosts I just skip through and find the songs that seem to appeal to me the most. But on vinyl, I've listened to the whole album over and over non-stop. I just love to sit down and listen to every little noise, every instrument; and just process it all. 28 and 19 Ghosts have become a couple favorites of mine. That probably has to do with seeing them live, and getting to actually watch all the music and instruments come together right in front of me.
It's crazy how intrigued I am with this album. I don't know if I've said this before, but sometimes I just can't help but think to myself: "Trent, do you realize what you've created?"
Tessa and I were stoned for what seemed like a non-stop high for a week straight, and most all we really did was listen to music. It was incredible how intensely we listened to music. I can't even describe to you the feelings, visuals, and emotions I got from listening to things like Nine Inch Nails, Massive Attack, Tool, A Perfect Circle, etc.
The depth, and the sounds were just over whelming.
Started off and ended the year with a musical orgasm.

Haha yeahh, it sounds crazy, but the music was amazing.
Today I feel like I've been listening to music to closely, and I can't actually stop. It's incredible, and I hope it never stops feeling this way.








School starts Monday, and it's beginning to snow again. I'm ging to have to take the bus to campus every day, because I'm not taking my classes with Tessa this term. Something everyone thought was good?
Either way, I'm not looking forward to standing in the cold, rain and snow. I need a car.

[I should proably sleep soon. My appointment is at 10:00 am.]
Jesus Christ, it' cold in this house.


Oh, so I guess my mom did have cancer, but they took care of it. She needs to go back in 6 months to see if it came back.
Dad's health isn't too good either. He apparently has something called Labyrinthitis. It's basically an inner ear problem that makes it so you're practically constantly lightheaded. It can last from 2 weeks, to 2 years. I don't know what's going on with my him.

Me however -other than my teeth- am in perfect health. Haha, in case you were wondering.

Oh.
I've decided I'm living in the 90's from now on. I don't give a shit about 2009. I'm moving into 1994 instead. My childhood in the nineties was amazing. Enough fucked up shit to keep things interesting, but not enough to....well, fuck shit up.
Technology was at a point where it was fun and new, but not something you had to depend on.
Politics were politics, not something fucking up our way of life.
Music was created for the sake of music, and not charts, fame or profit.
Movies were creative and original.
People created their own style and opinions, rather than following the what the crowd thinks.
Oh, and the cartoons were wayyy better.

Everything was perfect.

Besides the massive drug intake on our favorite artists, and the toll it took on their health.
And Courtney Love.

But, it kind of made the nineties what they were, and I wish things were still like they were then. Oh well, the best I can do is help create our music on the 90's standards, and just live like I'm there.
Kind of like I have been doing the past week in stonerville.
Hah.



I miss New Orelans.
It felt like the 90's somehow.