Woot.

I'll see you kids in Vegas.

The Portland Presale Line

I found some old videos on my phone.

A few of which were from the presale line at the Portland NIN show in December. I don't think this is 'blog worthy' but it's the easiest place to upload a video.

Unfortunately a few of the videos got deleted, and I don't have the one where she yells that she wants to fuck us girls like an animal. (Referring to Tessa and I.)
My poor younger brother had to sit next to her. She told him he was a 'very special boy' a few times. She was kind of in love with him. Keep in mind she was like...50, and he's 14. Hah!


Yeah, the music was a nice addition to the party we'd already started, but not worth this woman and her water bottles full of vodka.

I wonder if she ever got her boombox back.




Oh Portland: So full of interesting people.

And hey, this is the day Katie and I met. Weird stuff.

I have awesome friends.

This one's name is Katie:

Twist twist twist.

Things are looking up, and falling apart all at the same time.

My attitude has been more positive than it had been a few weeks ago, but my heart and my sanity aren't doing so well.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I do know I have to do something about all this.
I've never been one to just give up, or settle for any less than what I want.

I have to make it work. I don't want to have to 'make do' with just sitting around and missing out on anything.




Oh...and music is getting written, people are getting involved, and I'm finally getting back into the swing of things again.
It feels good.

Lawlz.

I love being happy for no reason in particular.
<3

Returning nightmares only shadows.

I feel like my life has been wiped clean, stripped down, and I'm back to the basics.

It feels like I've pretty much just started over.
I started Spring term last week. Planned my classes out so that I'll be doing things in ways that will make it easier for me to get things done. I actually thought about it this time, and now school seems achievable. Something I'm actually eager to do.

My life suddenly doesn't seem like such a mess anymore, despite all the shit that has been going on.

I'm in this state of mind where I appreciate everything and everyone in my life so much more than I did before, and I'm ready to just work my ass off for everything I want. Which is kind of weird. School is what is making me so happy. Getting back on track makes me feel so much better about myself.
I have a plan. A good one. And I'm going to follow it.

Happy, positive Kayla is back, and it feels good.

It's nice to be the 'old me' again.

And all that could have been.

Somehow with Jarod's advice, I've gotten back the old parts of me, that made me so focused and driven towards the things I wanted. I've finally stopped planning my life around what other people can and can't do, and started focusing on what I can do and achieve with or without them.
I've realized I haven't been taking my own advice.

Now that I've gotten past whatever it is that was holding me back, I'm ready to get things back on track. It's time to start doing what makes me happy, again.


I've been thinking, why not just go for the things you really want in life?

I've always been the type of person that goes for something they want. No questions asked. I don't really give a shit 'what the odds are', I at least want to know I tried. I don't want to die thinking about what could have been. I want to die knowing that I went after it, and did all I could to get the most of what I wanted in life. But I'd forgotten I could do that.
Lately those things I wanted were somehow put on hold, and I'd just forgotten about how much they mattered and were a part of me. I became a shell of a person. Nothing really that important was going on, and I'd lost that passion.
I ended up waiting. For something. Why the hell was I waiting, and what was I waiting for?
I know better than that. If I want something, I can't just sit around expecting anything. I have to go for it. Just do it.

Life is not about waiting.

It's time to get back to who I used to be.


I'm happy again, and things are going to stay that way.

Another Update in KaylaLand

Wow, first I talk too much, now I talk too little. What's up with that?

I've been wanting to write for a while now, but I feel like there's to much going on to even begin.

I'll just keep it pretty simple, and not talk about most of what's going on with me. Hah.

Life at the moment consists of school (or lack of), hiding from my parents, looking for a job to attempt to make it to all the Nine Inch Nails shows during the upcoming tour, a lot of brownies, and no sleep. At all.

My school life *this term* is fucked. I got a D on one of my midterms, and haven't even gone to my other two classes. I've already dropped one, and will probably drop the other. I've hit the point to where I don't even see the point in trying to fix it, because there really is no way at this point. I've really fucked myself over this time. I'll make up the classes during the summer online. Which doesn't bother me. Teachers in the classroom always make it more difficult for me to learn anyway. Teaching myself feels easier to me anyway. If I need help, I'll ask for it.

My parents asked me about my attendance. I told them I've been going -obviously. Since I'm going to PCC, they have NO control over my grades, attendance -anything. It's all me. I control my school life, and they can't so much as e-mail my teachers to get any information. I told them that, so they told me to sign a confidential release form, so that they could see all that.

I refused to sign it.

It made them angry. But you know, that's more their problem than mine. There's nothing they can do about it.




A few weekends ago, I snuck off to Seattle with Katie. Didn't plan on being sober at all while we were there. Which we did. I was talking to my little brother about it when I got back. When I got back, he'd told me about getting really high with a friend of his. Little did I know, my father was standing behind my door listening. He stormed in and told Luke he was never going to his friend's house again. Then yelled at me for about 20 minutes about how I influenced my little brother and this is all my fault.
I didn't even know the kid had been smoking. But they knew I smoke pot, and it's just 'safe' to assume I told him to do the same. Which I did not. I didn't even realized he's been smoking for a while now.

Now they won't let my brother come to the Sasquatch Festival with me, because my dad doesn't trust my little brother with me.
It sucks, but whatever.


I'm making it my misson to make it to a ton of shows this tour on a massive road trip with Tessa and Katie. But considering my parents refuse to help pay for anything , and I can't find ANY job; I'm gonna have to find some other way. I'm willing to give up every birthday, Christmas, and my graduation present for this. XD
I'll do anything.
Anything.

I really need to do this. And from the sounds of it, this tour is going to be INCREDIBLE.

NIN and JA.

Fucking NINJA tour, and I can't miss it.
XD



NIN: 1,000,000 Live from on stage, Sydney 2.22.09 [HD] from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.





On a more positive note: I had a good day doing nothing but goofing off around the house, listening to loud music, hanging out with no one but the animals, and talking to the Twitter people.

The good kind of boredum:

Thanks.

Eraserme.

Need you.

Dream you.

Find you.

Taste you.

Fuck you.

Use you.

Scar you.

Break you.


Lose me.

Hate me.

Smash me.

Erase me.

Kill me.

'Iz not so fun aktuly.'

[A few more here]
[I have to upload them onto deviantart soon]

I'm pretty stressed out. I've been spending a lot of my time out all night till 10 in the morning, and not going to my classes. I'm being stupid, and making bad decisions. I need to get my act together. Maybe once I write a little, I'll know what I need to do, and feel a little better. That usually helps. But I'm not really sure what to do at this point.

I finished one essay tonight. An essay for Western Civ that I had to turn in yesterday, but I stayed home instead, and tried to write it. I had to wait till tonight to ask my parents for help. Something I never do anymore. But it helped, and I got it done.
Now I've got a fuckload more work to do for my other classes, then study for a midterm next week. Which will be a bitch because I have no idea what the hell is going on in that class.

School is pretty much my biggest issue at this point. I'm so fucked.



I haven't been hanging out with Tessa much. Which is so weird, cause we've been inseparable for like, 3 or 4 years. I'm excited for this weekend, I miss you.


Got a tour date last night. Can't afford Tennessee and $250 tickets. We'll figure it out. I'm sure there will be more dates soon.

Everything keeps happening on the 7th.
December 7th - Portland show
January 7th - Show footage released
February 7th - Tickets for the first announced US show goes on sale AND whatever the hell 'Clue 1' is.

Wonderful NINaversary.
Haha




Katie's giving up her apartment for a while and moving in with her mom, just so she can afford the tour. Katie, Tessa and I will be road tripping and following the band this tour. I can't wait to get started.

I need a fucking job to pay for all this. I remember babysitting, that shit was easy. I wish it was always that simple.

I told Katie she has to teach me how to be grown up. Hahaha, welllllll, we've gotten somewhere with that. XD







I need to keep brainstorming tattoo ideas. Must be perfect.



There's too much going on. Too many emotions. All good, turned real bad.
Fuck.