Today in the snow.

So for the first time since it started snowing, I went out, and had some fun in it. Even though I really hate the snow. But I figured I could get some good pictures out of it. I took my brother with me to the park, because none of his friends wanted to go out in the snow with him. Also, so that I wouldn't have to be a loner. We ended up just taking goofy ridiculous pictures of us sliding on the road, and jumping in the snow.

This is mostly just pictures

9.9 inches of snow is what I heard.

And that's that. Now onto something else. Amy Cummins is back. Yes, I know I deleted the blog about her. I didn't see the point in having it, I didn't want to stoop to her level. [Although it was really fucking funny to read.] But, she just recently got banned from talking, posting, or changing anything on her nin.com account. I'd sent Rob a message, and I guess some other people did as well. His reply said:

"Yeah, you're not the only one to complain about that retard. Not that this will change her mental state, but it felt good: [forum.nin.com]"

(We had to take a screen shot, because everything she's said has been deleted off nin.com.)
Well, the point to all this: Last night she deleted the myspace account she had been harassing Tessa, Katie and I on. Was a celebration. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. But then, today, I get this message from her on a new account with the subject 'just give up !' and the message saying:

"like look bitch your one hell of a tramp !!!!!!!
and not even a triple xxxx fuckable hottie unlike me like yeah iam super hot !!! like to hot for this fucking world !!!!!!!!!
hey how is the snow treating you by the way!!!!
your hair is ugllllllyyyyy your eyes need anti ageing cream
to bad your income is like less then 30,000
mine is in the triple digget's "clap your hands if you have a bank roll"
not sorry to qoute lil wayne
but your stuipd "

[By the way, this is what we're dealing with:]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I replied simply telling her that her bullshit has no effect on me, and she basically needs to get lost.

She has pictures of me on her page, now. Calling me a stupid cunt, and telling me I need hair dye and plastic surgery. I wish I had taken a screen shot before she made her profile private. It's fucking hillarious. All over her page she mentions me. She also has the picture of Lil Wayne I took at Voodoo this year. I've had a lot of problems with her stealing my pictures. This one, she said I stole form her. Mmmmmm, yeah okay. What the fuck ever. As if I really give a shit about a photo of Lil Wayne.

The only thing that REALLY pushed me over the edge, was when she stole my Nothing Studios pictures and claimed them as her own. That was a very important trip that I took with Tessa, and those pictures are very important to me. That whole trip was, and I would really like to viciously rip her tits off.



That was my day.
Thank you.

Insomnia.

Once again, it's late [or early], and I still haven't slept at all. Insomnia is kicking my ass lately. I've been sleeping more during the day than at night. It's probably just cause I'm not in school anymore, so I don't really have to sleep much, and I can stay up late without consequences.
Either way, I have nothing better to do, than write nonsense on this here blog.


I've been locked inside a couple of days. It's been snowing a ridiculous amount lately, and there is so much snow that it's been hard to get anywhere. I've been meaning to go out and take pictures, but considering that I've been sleeping during the day, by the time I get ready to go outside, I've lost the light.
I also hate the snow, so it's not like I'm rushing to go outside.
This was just taken from my bedroom window with the porch light. The sky looks pretty cool tonight.





Also since I've been stuck inside, I've had a chance to work on my music. Jarod suggested that I just lock myself in my room with my instruments, and just play and see what happens. Well, I took his advice. Only, I have a computer in my room too, and I get distracted easily. I ended up pulling some piano tabs and learning some new songs rather than writing them. I also have those new vinyls he gave me, and I can't stop listening to them.


I've been trying to write my own music but I'm having the hardest time getting past this writer's block. Someone told me when you get blocked, write about what's blocking you. I was going to try that, but then I realized I have no idea what's blocking me. Write about that? Mmkay, but I have no idea what kind of song that's going to end up being. But who knows, I've been strongly inspired by The Fragile lately, so maybe I'll go from there.

I didn't go to sleep the night before last, and ended up doing a lot. I pretty much got rid of my past. None of it was good, and the clutter was just weighing me down. I rearranged my room moving furniture, and changing up the stuff on my walls. I also painted the entire back of my door. It was messy and sloppy, and covered in doodles and things people had written over the years. So I painted it black, and spray painted a NIN quote on it.

My life as been consumed with NIN lately, so it felt necessary. Especially after the night before. I was at Tessa's, and we invited Katie over. We smoked a lot, then had a total NIN binge to make us feel better about the tour being over, and having no NIN shows to look forward to. So we watched 'Closure', then 'And All That Could Have Been', 'Beside You In Time', then listened to the entire NIN concert from Portland that someone had recorded [LINK] and relived the show. After that, I felt like my NINginity had been restored, and everything NIN was new again. Haha, it felt pretty fantastic.


Hopefully our New Years LA trip won't have to be canceled due to the weather. It's a road trip, so we're kind of going to have to drive though whatever. I've really been looking forward to this, so it would be devastating to not be able to end up going.



At least we won't end having to drive to Olympia this year. This will be mine, my brother's and my mother's second Christmas not at my grandparents'. Feels nice not having to do anything. Due to the money, there are not many presents under the tree. That's fine, they always spend a bunch of money on stuff I never want or need anyway. So this will just be saving us all that. Hopefully I'll just be getting money, so that wasy I can have plenty for LA.


I'm not sleeping tonight.
Well, that is unless my father comes in again and orders me to get my ass in bed. He must assume I'm a child, because he continues to treat me like one. I asked his why it is such a big deal to him whether or not I'm sleeping. He said that doesn't matter, just because he said so. His EXACT words were "I'm your father, so I can make you do whatever I want you to do. No questions asked. It's my right."


I need to get out of this house.
It's crazy in here.

I'm beginning to prefer my mother over my father, lately.
She doesn't care what time I go to bed, what words come out of my mouth, or what my religious or sexual preferences are. She really doesn't give a shit who I choose to be, or what I choose to do with my life. As long as I'm safe and happy. I'm finally beginning to appreciate my mom.
My father is a different story all together.

Looks like we're not done yet.

Trent Reznor Interview, 12.13.08
by trentisthenewpink

More touring to come. Needless to say, I'm in kind of in a fantastic mood. No more post-NIN depression, because I now have something else to look forward to. I'll miss Alessandro and Josh, but I look forward to seeing Ilan, and what Trent decides to do with the shows in the future. I'm crossing my fingers for as little travel as possible in 2009, because it's hard spending money that I don't have, and having Carol take us places when she can't afford to.

-Thank you Carol, I love you.-

Getting together with the NIN fans tomorrow. I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about. Oh shit, I have to call them.






In other news, it's snowing today. I slept in really late and didn't get a chance to get any pictures, so I guess that will have to wait for tomorrow. Apparently it's warmer now then it's going to be tomorrow. Unfortunately schools are all closed and I'll be having to put up with the neighborhood kids, and won't be able to go to the park. Also, my brother and his little friends will be over because they have no life, and no school. Lame. At least I may be getting out of the house to hang out with my NIN friends.

^_^

A Christmas tree suddenly appeared in the living room last night. Since my mom will be having surgery this week, we won't be doing any traveling this year. [THANK GOD.] This will be only my second Christmas not going to Olympia, WA for Christmas. I love getting to avoid holidays there. I have more to do, and more fun at home. Also, my friends are here. Although Christmas will likey be filled with a long video game binge with my brother and his friend Derek -who might as well be my other little brother. He spends all his time here, and I treat him like a brother. He's kind of just part of the family.
I have no problem with the video games. Been a while since I've been a nerd with my brother.




Are you impressed? I'm typing in paragraphs and making this look prettier. I think I'll edit my past posts and make them look the same.


Okay, time to order pizza. I feel really bad for the delivery guy. It's really stormy outside.

Now what?

Vegas couldn't happen. Roads from Portland to Vegas were closed due to weather with icy and slippery roads, and I couldn't sneak out without any money. The plane and train were too expensive, and it's not like I could ask my parents for money to run away to Vegas for a night.

So, I asked Riot and Rev to call me while they were at the show, so that I could hear it. Riot called me during the show a few times. She called me right before Hurt. I heard 'The needle tears a hole,' and I lost it. I three-wayed Tessa crying. [Yes I am that pathetic.] I was upset not only because I missed this show, but because it's Josh's last show, and the last show period. [For the US leg and this set up at least.] I didn't want to miss this. I'm not sure when Alessandro is leaving, but I hope this wasn't his last show as well.

The more I think about it though, the more I'm partly glad that I missed it, because I don't know if I could have handled it. Poor Riot must be a mess right now.
I'll catch Josh and Alessandro at other shows though. Even if they aren't NIN shows, I can't see them giving up music all together.

Hmm, enough dwelling on what's already happened.

Time to focus on the future.

There will be more NIN in the future, no doubt about that. Even if it isn't the near future, there's definitely more to come from Mr.Reznor. Haha.

Tessa, Katie and I have plans for a road trip to LA for New Years. I hope it ends up happening. Once again, my parent's permission is not necessary. I'm all for escaping and doing something rebelious. All I need is the money and I'm set.




Now, someone buy me tickets to Tiesto on Wednesday. I need my bass fix, and a chance to dance. Mom's surgery for breast cancer is on Thursday and I need one more chance for freedom before I have to take care of her.

Blekk.

Nine Inch Nails - Portland, OR

Okay, I'm still working on processing. So I'll most likely be coming back to edit this post.
But anyway.

This weekend was pretty hectic. I spent Friday night at my house, and went over to Tessa's on Saturday. Jarod [a big NIN fan I'd been talking to online] was supposed to get in around 3 or 4, and we were going to meet up with him that night. I called Riot, and she seemed more interested in something else, and told us she was probably going to drive up late that night. We looked for some more people to join us to hang out and go eat dinner at the Roxy. One taker: Evan. So we got my brother, and met up with the guys downtown.

We went to the Roxy for something to eat, and played lots of NIN on the jukebox. Then Jarod decided to play us some music that just ended up confusing everyone. Even frightening a few of us.

We left the Roxy with a box of pancakes, and a box of fries. Jarod yelled pancakes at people to try and give them away. I'm sure asking if they wanted pancakes, might have been more effective then sounding like you have torretes and yelling 'PANCAKES!' at everyone who passes you. Eventually we somehow managed to find some takers, then headed over to the Rose Quarter to plot out the next morning. We talked to some of the people at the venue to figure out what to do in the morning.

After standing in front of the Rose Quarter for probably 30 minutes, doing nothing but yelling at people about the closed sidewalk, we decided to to some more walking. We stopped and stood in front of the Rose Quarter sign and yelling and cheering every time NIN came on the screen.

We then decided to go home. It was fucking coldddd. Before heading home we stopped at Jarod's hotel where he gave Tessa and I some vinyls. Seriously so sweet of him, I'm absolutely in love with every one of them.

Once we got home, my little brother Luke spent all his time looking at meathead stuff, Tessa dyed her hair, and I talked to drunk Jarod on the phone about the music industry for about 45 intense minutes. He's a smart guy, even when he's drunk.

We decided to go to bed and get a little sleep. My dad was to pick us up at 5. Needless to say, we didn't sleep at all.

Once at the venue, we met up with Riot. After some issues as to where the line was, we sat down in line and began a very long wait. It was fucking freezing. Tessa and I tried to get warm by hiding under the banner we had made the night before.

'PORTLAND FUCKING [heart]'s NIN'

Tessa and I would hang out in the box office bathroom a while, whenever we got too cold. A few more people started showing up in line. Eventually, we let the sign hold our spot, and we hung out inside.

We were later joined by the two people that were in line next to us: Katie, and her friend Sean. Most people stayed outside, others came in and out. Inside the box office became our new spot.

Jarod and Evan just stayed outside. My brother stuck with Tessa and I. Soon Jeff [another guy I'd been talking to online] showed up, and him and Jarod hung out inside with us.

Around 11, we all decided on pizza. We were all fucking hungry, cause we hadn't eaten anything but NERDS all morning. Pizza arrived, and we cheered! Well, mostly Jarod cheered cause he's loud. Everyone was thankful for the food though. We all needed it.

After eating, me, Tessa, Luke, Katie, Sean, and a few others decided to wonder around and look for a tour bus. While walking around we found this woman asleep on the steering wheel with the bus still running:

Then signs to a cat show.

It seemed too outrageous, that we had to go. Also, Alessandro seems to love cats, and it would be fucking hilarious if we saw him there. That would kind of fantastic and pretty much make my life.

While following the signs, we went the wrong way, and hit a parking garage. Complete with 2 tour buses, and a bunch of equipment trucks.

Uhmmmm? We didn't go in, we just kind of stood around for a while. After nothing happening, we headed back to the line. We hung out a little more and watched live NIN videos on Tessa's iPhone to freak ourselves out. It still hadn't hit any of us.

After being really bored, we decided to go check out the cat show for real this time. When we got there, it cost $5, and no one had any money on them. We ditched the cat show, and roamed around inside looking for any sign of NIN. We heard some music, and freaked out. Soundcheck?

Wrong, we were in the wrong building for that. They were preparing for some party downstairs.

We headed over to the actual Rose Quarter building, and checked to see if any of the doors were open. We wanted to see inside. We found an open door on the side of the building that apparently led to the parking garage. After climbing a million stairs, there was no way to get in.

So we got on the elevator, and decided to leave. [Why we didn't take the elevator in the first place, I don't know.] We went down to what we thought was where we would get out. Luke walks over to a door, and pushes it open. I go to grab him to stop opening doors, and I see it. The lights. But, the back of them. WOAH. I frantically grab Tessa by the arm and drag her over. She sees it and we freak out. Everyone comes over to see.

What the fuck do we do!?!?! Dude, we're BACKSTAGE. No security either. Someone goes to the other door, and there it is. The parking garage with the tour buses.


Uhm.....oh my god.

What have we just stumbled on to? We leave. We didn't want to get in trouble, and get kicked out or something.

Once we got back to the line, we tell a few friends what just happened. Told Riot, she thinks we're crazy. Told Jarod, and he thought it was just weird. So we decided to show him, and prove it to him. Yeah, he was pretty amazed. We all were. How fucking unbelievable.

How the hell does that happen? Apparently we have even more good NIN karma.
Tessa and I hear that a lot form people, and I'm actually starting to kind of believe it.

We hung out in line a little longer. Sean went to Burgerville to get something to eat. Then Katie's friend Ash showed up. We just kind of chilled out while watching it start to rain outside.

We later got a call from Sean.

"There's a tour bus outside of Denny's", Katie tells us.

We're out.

We walked in the rain over to the Denny's. We saw the tour bus, but no NIN in sight. Walked into Denny's and Red Robins 'looking for a bathroom'. We didn't plan on talking to the guys, we just wanted to seem them off the stage being normal people, then leave.

Haha.

After no luck at all, we walk over to Starbucks. While waiting for Ash to get her coffee, a guy asks Tessa if she has 'Tap Tap NIN' on her iPhone. Turns out, this is the guy that helped create it. Uhm...what? We talked to him for a while about Tap Tap NIN, and Trent being a nerd. Apparently Trent's a big fan of lolcats. [I find that hillarious.] Then again, who isn't a fan of lolcats?

We told him we saw the bus, and he told us that Trent was probably at the hotel, playing with his computer and other geeky toys. "I get the feeling that Trent is a total nerd, isn't he? Cause he totally seems like it," I say. "Huge nerd", he said. He said he's a really cool guy, and it's mindblowing to talk to him.'

He told us that he was going to talk to Trent after the show, and he was gonna head backstage.

We envied him.

Meeting this guy: more good NIN karma.

We eventually left after getting a call about the line moving. Turns out, it was only moved inside, but we headed back anyway. Once we got in and told some friends our story, I got a call from a woman that said she was bringing a boombox for our 'line party'. "20 minutes", she said.

So while we waited, Riot passed out her flags.

On Luke's we wrote 'I'M A VIRGNIN'.

It was going to be his first NIN show, and we felt it necessary to tease him.

Picture from Katie. Luke and Evan

He doesn't seem to mind it much. We then wrote 'HE'S A VIRGNIN' on the back of some poster paper with stuff we had written for the show.

More teasing the brother.

Other topics of conversation: Trent's alleged girlfriend/fiance/ex/etc. - Amy Cummins.

You know, the one who is 22 and claims to have lot her virginity to Trent in 2000 when she was 18. Do the math. That's all wrong.

Then the with the apparent 5 year old daughter born 2 years ago that is ironically IDENTICAL to Justin's daughter. Mmhmm. This girl is FUCKED UP in the head.

[UPDATE: After the show she somehow found me after harassing Tessa and Katie. I complained to Rob and nin.com about her. They're in the process of banning her. Now I just need to hear back from myspace, and hopefully she'll be kicked off there too.]

Picture from Katie. Jeff and Jarod.

The boombox lady finally got there with the boombox. Time for some music. Jarod -even with his massive hangover- ran to go get batteries. When we finally got the music playing [NIN of course], and people seemed to enjoy it. It is in fact the one band that we know every here is going to like. Our little group was in a kind of circle, and I felt like it was a campfire sing-along. Everyone was singing, and having a good time.

Aweh, the sign we never used. Haha.

The boombox lady came back and asked to hang out with us. Sure, she brought the boombox, it only makes sense she get to lsiten to it. Big....Mistake. That woman had a water bottle full of vodka, and another with water. She drank one, then the other. The.whole.thing.

That woman was shitfaced. She was singing the lyrics incredibly loud, and obnoxious. Acting like a total crazy. Riot, Tessa and I couldn't stop laughing. Oh my god. Drunkard. When Closer was playing, she started to get loud.

Tessa would try to say, "Mmkay, save it for the show. Quiet down." The lady then decided to mix it up and change the lyrics a little.

"I wanna fuck you girls like an animal".

Woahhhh........

Oh I have proof of this. It's on video. I just have to get it off my phone.

Update: Unfortunately, the video was somehow deleted. But I do still have this: [LINK]

Enough was enough. We had to turn the music off. She was beginning to crawl and get really close. I said "Woahhh, back off. You're getting a little close there." She got offended and made a comment about me being stuck up or something. We turned the music off. She was on her knees dancing.

No more please.

We cleaned up a little and stood up. She decided to stand up too. Well, try...Fail. She then tried to light a cigarette inside. We all yelled at her to put it out. There was a smoke detector right above her head. We called security. But it was finally out by the time they got there. So they just stood outside.

Waiting in line took forever. Putting up with the drunk lady and her cigarettes, and then just the anticipation of the show. It was getting close to 5, where were our tickets? The line started getting longer. Wrapped all the way around back to us.

Some time around 5:30 or 5:45, they opened the windows. There was a big 'NOOO NO NO NO NO!' from the crowd. The windows were opened at the end of the line. Funny the way we all reacted. It's just, after waiting since 5 am, we weren't about to let that happen.

While we got the tickets, Luke and Jarod went to go hold our spots at the actual line to get into the venue. We got our tickets, and headed right over. Tessa got there first, and as soon at I get to the line I hear, "Oh shit.....it's her." AMY CUMMINS.

DUDE.

They kept trying to show her to me, but it took me forever to find her because I thought she was a guy.
She complimented Tessa on her pants...

Apparently not realizing who she was.

We finally got in. Then waited in line for about 2 hours.



While in line, Evan held the 'He's a virgNIN' sign above Luke's head, and  everyone cheered.
Haha, it was special. I love my giant extended family.
We got our merch and wrapped it up in my leather jacket to that it was easier for Ash to carry to her seat and hold.
We called it the NIN baby, pretending it was Amy Cummins child.

Joking that we were babysitting Amy and Trent's child. As a JOKE.

We know that Trent would never want anything to do with that....thing. Hahaha

We got in about 7:30. Got our spot, right in the middle. We put up our sign, and security told up is was awesome, but we couldn't have it up during the show. We'd have to take it down. Fuck.

Tessa, Me, Luke, and Katie.

Luke soon moved to Katie's left and hung with Jeff.

We rolled it up, and plotted putting it down during Head Like a Hole and during Trent's speech.
Is it sad that we know these shows so well, that we can plan on dropping the sign during the part of the night where the lights are brightest and Trent is talking?
Maybe..
That, or these guys are getting way too predictable.

The Bug came on, and it was unexpected, but good.

Picture from Katie

Nice to dance to, and Warrior Queen seemed to be having a good time. The booty shake was unexpected. Deffinitely not something you expected to see on the NIN stage.

Once The Bug was over, we were all set at the rail. Jeff, Luke, Katie, Me, Tessa, Riot, then the French Girls. We got more mommy talk from Riot about holding our spot on the rail. Not a problem. I can get vicious towards the people who attempt to take my spot. I won't allow it. I didn't need a lesson on how to do this.
This aint my first rodeo.

We'd realized how small the stage is compared to the other venues we'd been to. When they put the mics up, we realized we were in the perfect spot.

Justin would be right there.

Trent would be right there.

Robin right there.

And I've got a perfect view of Josh and Alessandro.

Shit, this is perfect.

Waiting....waiting.....waiting......

999,999

WE SCREAM! We see them! OH SHIT.

I SEE JOSH!

I SEE ROBIN!

I SEE JUSTIN!

I SEE ALESSANDRO!

1,000,000

TRENTTT!

BAHHHHH THEY'RE ALL SO CLOSE WHAT DO WE DO!?

Once you finally get over that whole 'SHIT....NIN', then you really get a chance to rock out. Which we definitely did. Never have I headbanged so hard in my life.

Hah!!

Here is the setlist:

999,999
1,000,000
Letting You
Discipline
March of the Pigs
Head Down
The Frail
The Wretched
Closer
Gave Up
The Warning
Vessel
31 Ghosts III
28 Ghosts III
19 Ghosts III
Piggy
The Greater Good
Pinion/Wish
Terrible Lie
Survivalism
The Big Come Down
31 Ghosts IV
Only
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like a Hole

Encore:
Echoplex
The Good Soldier
[Band Intro/Speech]
God Given
Hurt

In This Twilight

Before I even begin describing the show, I'm going to remind you how shitty Portland crowds typically are. They're just boring and dull. Well, we said we'd change that, and it felt like we did. Now, I'm hearing from some people that the crowd sucked. But from the rail, it felt brutal. I was pinned so hard against the rail that I couldn't move at all. I have never been beat up so much at the rail in my life. It was to a point where I wasn't screaming for the band, but screaming for dear life. Hahaha. But I just think, 'Ignore it, and focus. Nine Inch Nails.'


I tried to get a few pictures, but given all the movement, most just turned out shaky. Here's the best I got:

Oh Justin. You impressed the shit out of me by rocking the fuck out. You were my hero that night.

Then I get back to rocking out. Cameras were filming all night. At the quiet and dark point in time before The Frail one of the camera guys stopped ans said, 'So you guys are having a good time?' 'Amazing time. You have no idea. Hahaha.' He laughed and told us that was good. Another one kindly picked up my flag for me that I had dropped. Something NO ONE would do for me.  never seems to care, for good reason I suppose. But that was really nice of him. Since we were so into it, and we were rocking out so god damn hard, every time the camera passed us, they would spend a bunch of time with the cameras in our faces. And in our way, but it's cool. My hair was in my face anyway.

We seemed to get a lot of looks from the band as well. I guess they approved. During one of the Ghosts songs, while Robin was switching guitars he was looking into the crowd. I looked over and saw him looking over at us. I smiled and gave him a cute little wave. He chuckled and smiled. Whoops, made Robin loose his bad ass face for a second. Sorry. I have no idea if he actually remebered Tessa and I from NOLA. We'd told him we'd be at the rail [he said he would be too], and after riding away on his sweet ass bike, he later waved and yelled 'See you in Portland!' But this guy sees a million faces all the time. So it's difficult to believe that he would recognize or remember us.

The second time Trent had his tambourine, he looked right at the 3 of us [Me, Tessa and Katie] and showed us that he was going to toss it to us. He kneeled down, looked right at us, gave us 'the nod', waited for the ligh so we could see him, then he threw it to us. Unfortunately we're really short, so it hit our arms and someone behind us got it. That reallllly sucks. But whatever. It's the thought that counts, right? Haha. If anything, I'm more satisfied with Trent trying to give it to us, than actually getting it.

In an e-mail from Riot, she said this:

The show was great.  Trent loves you guys - I saw him look at your
sign and I saw him try to get you the tamborine - did you see it?  He
stood at the edge of the stage and threw it right to you.  In all the
shows I have done I've only seen him make that much of an effort like
- 2 - 3 other times.  I really wanted you guys to have it.

Any dumb girl can flirt her way back stage - but to have him aim so
perfectly, that is a really special thing.

She's such a sweetheart.



Luke was on the Survivalism screen. It was pretty perfect. It was trent's camera for the stage, but he hit it down onto the ground, and they turned it facing right at him and Jeff. We got the flag in it and everything.


[I'll upload the videos soon.]


We got a few tastes of the nineties. Trent 'attacked' robin the way he used to. Jumped on top of him.

Then, during Terrible Lie Trent's frustration with the malfunctioning screens and equipment finally must have gotten to him. [Mic not working during Vessel, and light not working with the screen during Pinion are all I noticed.] The mic fell off the stand, and Trent took his guitar and used it like a baseball bat against the mic stand. Broke the head of the guitar right off. That man, is fucking strong. Cause to break the guitar like that against something as weak as a mic stand is pretty amazing. He walked to the back of the stage, and threw his water bottle against the screen. He looked pissed.

Poor Josh could not get the Echoplex drum machine right. It didn't sound right, and I could see the confused smile on his face. He eventually walked off the stage, laughed, and shrugged his shoulders at Robin. Then it sounded right. It's okay Josh, you're still fucking amazing.

[Okay, the end of this is going to be written as quickly as possible. NIN made me really sore, and I'm actually really sick from it. I think I may have actually bruised my insides. Hahaha. I just want to go to bed at this point.]

When leaving the floor, we saw the Tap Tap NIN guy. I walk up to him and say, 'Woah. Dude.' He says, 'I know!' He then shows us his nifty after party pass. Tessa tells him we should be his entourage. He said he wishes, but nerds don't need entourages. I said, 'Well, trent's a nerd. And look at him. Plus, nerds may not need entourages, but it doesnt mean they can't have them.' 'True, true,' he says.

I then told him about how we'd earlier stumbled backstage, but never went in. He told us that we totally should have! He thought it was crazy that we didn't do anything. We talked a while then left and told him to have fun.

After the show was over we got our stuff, and thought we'd head towards backstage again.

Perhaps catch the guys on their way out. Even though there was still no security, we didn't want to be dissrespectful or get in the way. So we sat on the stairs a bit, and next thing I know, someone hands Jeff 2 passes. 'After party' passes with JMJ written on them.

He gives me one. I stare at it.

'Uhmm....what are we supposed to do?' There were only 2 passes, and like...8 of us. Also, I couldn't go without Tessa. I'd never forgive myself if I went and left her behind. And Luke? Just leave my little brother out of this? No.

Ash walks up to me and tells me she'll take it and get me backstage. Or so something to get us some interaction with the band. At least tell them about us. I hold the pass in my hand and look at Tessa to decide what to do. Ash grabs the pass and bolts towards the door.
You.fucking.bitch.
GIVE IT BACK!

We all follow. We ask where to go if you have an after party pass. We run up numerous flights of stairs. They thought we all had passes, and it looked like we were all getting in. When we got to another door, the woman leading us to the after party asks if we all had passes. Ash tells her it was just the two of them. The lady tells the rest of us to leave.
Again.
You.fucking.bitch.
We would have all gotten in had you not said anything. You dumb dumb bitch.

I get this stunned look on my face, like I've been totally ripped off. [Probably cause I had been.] I look at Jeff and he tells me I should have taken it. That I should have just gone. He gives me hug and tells me that he'll do something. We tell them we'll just wait outside, and to do something for us. We waited.

Nothing.

Nothing for about 45 minutes.

I try calling Ash. She picks up then immediately hangs up.

I figure she's talking to someone, I leave her alone. Riot calls, and asks where we are.

I told her the story, and she said she was on her way. She was going to come stay at Tessa's with me, and give us all a ride.

I call Ash again after about 10 minutes. I call maybe 10 times, and she never picks up. I get a call from Jeff. At first I had no idea who it was, I didn't have Jeff's number. Apparently he had to get it from Ashley because she 'had no service'. Bullshit. Jeff later told me that she was ignoring me.
He said they'd be out soon.

They finally return. Show us pictures of them and the entire band [minus Trent of course].

We got to the picture of them with Josh's huge goofy smile and I walk away and say, okay, let's go home. I couldn't take it. That totally could have been me. No wait, not could have. Would have.

Ashley gives me my pass back. After holding it for a while, I gave it back to her. I didn't need a constant reminder of how much of an idiot I was. I may not have been able to go without Tessa. I wouldn't be able to stand leaving her out of something like that. But I would have given it to my little brother. At least I would feel good about him being about to meet the band at his first NIN show. Plus, I know HE would have done something to get us back there. Also, that way Jeff wouldn't have to be so embarrassed going with an outgoing crazy like her. I feel really bad for him. Not that being like that is bad, but you just need to chilll out, so that you don't freak the guys out. They're just people, no need to act like a fucking crazy person.

Enough on that. Talking about it kind of makes me sick. Well, I was sick before that. But it's just making it worse. Next time.

I mean, I talked to Justin over nin.com today. He's a fucking sweetheart. I'd talked to him before the show a little, and I told to him about that night. He feels bad, but made it seem like less of a big deal.

I'm sore. And I feel worse than I ever have before. Today I got a text from Rev asking if I would be able to make it to Vegas if he paid for my ticket. Told him I couldn't go without Tess. He's offered to pay for us both. I don't know what we'll do.

Katie has offered to drive if she got a ticket too. But we just found out that it will be snowing this weekend in Portland. Roads will be closed, and we won't be able to get out. Also, my parents refuse to let me go. Fuck them. I'm going if I get the chance. I'll just tell them I'm staying at Tessa's or something. But I'm determined to do it.